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humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: George Bernard Shaw Page 3
Newspapers are unable, seemingly, to discriminate between a bicycle accident and the collapse of civilization.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Communication
Newspapers
Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
America
People
Places
We have in England a curious belief in first-rate people, meaning all the people we do not know; and this consoles us for the undeniable second-rateness of the people we do know.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Characteristics
England
People
Places
Liars
Never fret for an only son, the idea of failure will never occur to him.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Failure
Problems
Success
Only sons
Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? … If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs
Religion
Sex
Pope
A woman whose face looked as if it had been made of sugar and someone had licked it.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Appearance
Insults
About Isadora Duncan
My way of joking is to tell the truth.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs
Honesty
Truth
Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Eating
Food/Drink
Statistics
Survival
There are two tragedies in life; one is not to get your heart’s desire, the other is to get it.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Life
Situations
Tragedy
I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Characteristics
Ideas
Intelligence
Success
Dynamite
Fiend
Nobel Prize
The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Dance
Entertainment
Music
Sex
In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Reviews/Criticism
Theater
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Communication
Conversation
Insults
Speech
If more than ten per cent of the population likes a painting, it should be burned, for it must be bad.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Art
Entertainment
Painting
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Dance
Family
Past
Relationships
Situations
Things
Time
Skeleton
The chief objection of playing wind instruments is that it prolongs the life of the player.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Entertainment
Music
Wind instruments
Patriotism is the conviction that your country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs
Self
Patriotism
Nowadays a parlor maid as ignorant as Queen Victoria was when she came to the throne would be classed as mentally defective.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Insults
Intelligence
About Queen Victoria
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Intelligence
Success
We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Emotions
Happiness
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can, as a rule, calculate on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Government
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