Author: Mark Twain Page 5

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

The man who is a pessimist before forty-eight knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

If you substitute damn every time you’re inclined to write very your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language Reading/Writing

A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Crime Government Money

Optimist: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

If we had less statesmanship we could get along with fewer battleships.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Arms Conflict Government Military Things War

He is useless on top of the ground; he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Insults

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

Are you so unobservant that you do not yet realize that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Emotions Happiness

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

Only one thing, is impossible for God; to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Government Law

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Learning

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly; I said I don’t know.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Death Exaggerations

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink Places

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Golf Sports

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Future Time