Author: Mark Twain Page 5

The penis mightier than the sword.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Wordplay

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Age Individuals People

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Money

Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication People Places

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs People

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Cats Education Learning People

It resembles a tortoise shell cat having a fit in a plate of tomatoes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Art Reviews/Criticism

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Emotions Speech

The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Happiness Intelligence Money Poverty Wealth

A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Crime Government Money

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial “we.”

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People Self Success

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Education Fools God Insults Intelligence

Get a bicycle’ you will not regret… if you live.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Death Intelligence Memory

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen… I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Ugly