Author: Rodney Dangerfield Page 8

Blanche Genaro: Look at him, he’s such a beautiful boy! He’s got my eyes!
John Genaro: And he’s got my nose!
Monty: Yeah, and my sympathy.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
TV/Movie Quotes

My wife, she’s another one. Last night our house caught fire and I heard her tell the kids, “Shhh, be quiet; you’ll wake your father.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Situations

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers Self

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others; he gave me one with four cavities.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Health

[tees off] Fore! [his ball hits Judge Smails in the crotch] … I should have yelled, “Two!”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Golf Sports TV/Movie Quotes

My old man… I told him I'm tired of running around in circles… so he nailed my other foot to the floor.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Fathers

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was so poor I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Food/Drink Money Poverty Young

I came from a real tough neighborhood; on my street, the kids take hubcaps – from moving cars.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family

You look like the poster boy for birth control.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
TV/Movie Quotes

My dentist found a new way to cover up his bad breath… he holds up his arms

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Health

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot… but I always found them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Parents Places

My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night; now, we'll never see each other!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

I was so poor growing up if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Money Poverty

I came from a real tough neighborhood; every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Places

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Parents Places Young

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs People Self

I come from a stupid family… during the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Intelligence Relationships Stupidity

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Education School Science/Weather

I don't get no respect, are you kiddin’? The time I got hurt… on the way to the hospital, the ambulance stopped for gas.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

You spend too much money? Nah. A lot of people go to Switzerland to get their watch fixed.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
TV/Movie Quotes