Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 8

[Peggy finds a litter of assorted kittens on her seat] Peggy: I wonder what their parents were.
Professor Quail: Careless, my little dove cake, careless.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Professor Quail in “International House”

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Cost of living

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man”

To the question: Do married people live longer?
Fields responded: No, it just seems longer.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Life Marriage Time

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Sex

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Characteristics Eating Food/Drink Breakfast Gin

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it’s around the woman’s neck.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Marriage Tying the knot

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

Secretary: Someday you’ll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break” Whiskey

Someone asked, “Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?

Fields’ reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink

I am an expert of electricity; my father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Science/Weather Electricity

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Age Health Heart Worry

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Mae West

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more

Categories

Additional Categories

Oops...

Some Popular Authors

Author: W.C. Fields Page 8

[Peggy finds a litter of assorted kittens on her seat] Peggy: I wonder what their parents were.
Professor Quail: Careless, my little dove cake, careless.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

To the question: Do married people live longer?
Fields responded: No, it just seems longer.

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it’s around the woman’s neck.

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

Secretary: Someday you’ll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

Someone asked, “Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?

Fields’ reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

I am an expert of electricity; my father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.