Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 5

The soup sounds good.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As the boarding house guests are eating from “The Old Fashioned Way”

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Age Alcohol Beer Food/Drink Young

Thou shalt not steal – only from other comedians.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Entertainment Comedians Stealing

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man”

[to waitress]: I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’ t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

If at first you don't succeed, try try again… then quit; there's no use being a damn fool about it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Failure Situations Success

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hangovers

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Blood

You can’t trust water: even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Characteristics Things Stick Trust Water

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break” Insomnia

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Individuals

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Animals Men People Situations Time Bull Tail

I didn’t think prohibition would last that long.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Time When asked during prohibition why (if he didn't have a drinking problem) he bought 300 cases of gin before it started

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Characteristics People Relationships Embarrassment Engagements Fiancee

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities TV/Movie Quotes As Egbert Sousè in “The Bank Dick” Smoking

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Mae West

Agatha Sousé: Don’t you dare strike that child!
Sousé: She’s not gonna tell me I don’t love her.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Egbert Sousè in “The Bank Dick”

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Food/Drink Time Cook Tender Tough

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Money Poverty Wealth

If an unmarried woman loses her equilibrium, she should try to fall on a millionaire.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Relationships Women Millionaires

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Author: W.C. Fields Page 5

The soup sounds good.

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

Thou shalt not steal – only from other comedians.

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

[to waitress]: I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’ t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

If at first you don't succeed, try try again… then quit; there's no use being a damn fool about it.

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

You can’t trust water: even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

I didn’t think prohibition would last that long.

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.

Agatha Sousé: Don’t you dare strike that child!
Sousé: She’s not gonna tell me I don’t love her.

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

If an unmarried woman loses her equilibrium, she should try to fall on a millionaire.