Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 3

She’s all dressed up like a well-kept grave.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great McGonigle in “The Old Fashioned Way”

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Hollywood Places

You can’t trust water: even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Characteristics Things Stick Trust Water

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?
Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities Characteristics Games Chance Fairness

You must come down with me – after the show – to the lumberyard… and ride piggyback on the buzzsaw.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man” To ventriloquist dummy Charlie McCarthy

I don’t know why I ever come in here. Flies get the best of everything!

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break” In a luncheonette

Secretary: Someday you’ll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break” Whiskey

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes As Egbert Sousè in “The Bank Dick”

Cross my heart and hope to eat my weight in goslings.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Miscellaneous Promises

I think of the church often; not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Beliefs Religion Church

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man”

Do you travel as one person or do you get a party rate of ten?

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Appearance Fat TV/Movie Quotes From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

I like my films to influence the audience; even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Entertainment Film

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hollywood Places Delirium tremens

I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink

Marry an outdoors woman; then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Marriage People Women

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sheriff John Hoxley in “Six of a Kind”

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Elections/Voting Government

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Cooking Food/Drink Wine

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Wives Neighbors

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Author: W.C. Fields Page 3

She’s all dressed up like a well-kept grave.

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

You can’t trust water: even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?
Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

You must come down with me – after the show – to the lumberyard… and ride piggyback on the buzzsaw.

I don’t know why I ever come in here. Flies get the best of everything!

Secretary: Someday you’ll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

Cross my heart and hope to eat my weight in goslings.

I think of the church often; not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

Do you travel as one person or do you get a party rate of ten?

I like my films to influence the audience; even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.

Marry an outdoors woman; then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.