Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 4

I like my films to influence the audience; even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Entertainment Film

[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Family Money Taxes

He is a servant of humanity… who had done really brilliant work in isolating fees.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Doctors Health Insults About a detested doctor

I never met a kid I liked.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Family Relationships

If at first you don't succeed, try try again… then quit; there's no use being a damn fool about it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Failure Situations Success

I like children… if they’re properly cooked.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children TV/Movie Quotes As Augustus Winterbottom in “Tillie and Gus”

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Health Time Hospital Nurse

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Individuals

'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Individuals Women Thanks

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

[Asked if he believed in clubs for women, Fields responded] Yes, if every other form of persuasion fails.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Women

A Merry Christmas to all my friends except two.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Friends People Christmas

Never give a sucker an even break.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

Of course, now I touch nothing stronger than buttermilk: 90-proof buttermilk.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Buttermilk

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities Situations Gambling

Someone asked, “Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?

Fields’ reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break” Insomnia

I shall send over a couple of pet beavers to romp with you.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man” To ventriloquist dummy Charlie McCarthy

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man”

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Cooking Food/Drink Wine

I am an expert of electricity; my father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Science/Weather Electricity

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Author: W.C. Fields Page 4

I like my films to influence the audience; even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

He is a servant of humanity… who had done really brilliant work in isolating fees.

I never met a kid I liked.

If at first you don't succeed, try try again… then quit; there's no use being a damn fool about it.

I like children… if they’re properly cooked.

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

[Asked if he believed in clubs for women, Fields responded] Yes, if every other form of persuasion fails.

A Merry Christmas to all my friends except two.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Of course, now I touch nothing stronger than buttermilk: 90-proof buttermilk.

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

Someone asked, “Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?

Fields’ reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

I shall send over a couple of pet beavers to romp with you.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I am an expert of electricity; my father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.