Author: Woody Allen Page 7

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Characteristics Clothing

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Driving New York City Places

I don’t want to live on in my work, I want to live on in my apartment.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Work

If my films don’t show a profit, I know I’m doing something right.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Entertainment Film Money

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Time

Sex and death; two things that come once in a lifetime… only after death, you’re not so nauseous.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Sex

Sex is better than talk… talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Communication Conversation Sex Speech

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Success

My deepest apology goes to the Trochman family in Detroit. I… I never delivered a baby before in my life, and I… I just thought that ice tongs was the way to do it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God

I’m at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me, I’m profoundly grateful to her.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Age Old Sex

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Sex

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health Mistakes

The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, to think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

According to modern astronomers, space is finite; this is a very comforting thought – particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Places Science/Weather

When I was kidnapped my parents snapped into action… they rented out my room.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Opinion

Luna: It’s hard to believe that you haven’t had sex for 200 years.

Miles: 204, if you count my marriage.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

When he tells you he wants to exchange ideas, what he really wants is to exchange fluids.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Soldier: He was from my village. He was the village idiot.
Boris: Yeah, what did you do, place?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes