Author: Woody Allen Page 6

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Sex

I’m not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Life

Soldier: He was from my village. He was the village idiot.
Boris: Yeah, what did you do, place?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers – they’re going to make a game out of it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Activities Death Games People Self

I was the best I ever had.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

[After a fight] Yeah, I’m fine. I snapped my chin down onto some guy’s fist and hit another one in the knee with my nose.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Fights TV/Movie Quotes

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people: the good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Situations Sleep

Marriage is the death of hope.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage

I had a terrible education… I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Education School

There are worse things in life than death… and if you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Occupations Work

My deepest apology goes to the Trochman family in Detroit. I… I never delivered a baby before in my life, and I… I just thought that ice tongs was the way to do it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Divorce Marriage Sex

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Eating Food/Drink

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Animals Conflict Situations Sleep

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Situations Time

I will not eat oysters; I want my food dead… not sick… not wounded… dead.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Food/Drink

My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Family TV/Movie Quotes

Death is a wonderful way of cutting down on your expenses.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Money

The baby is fine; the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Insults Relationships Ugly