Keyword: Babies (Page 2)

Except that right-side-up is best, there is not much to learn about holding a baby.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor
Children Family People Travel

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs; then I tasted baby food.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Food/Drink

Most people make babies out to be very complicated, but the truth is they have only three moods:
1.Just about to cry 2. Crying 3. Just finished crying.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Children Family

Taking care of a newborn baby means devoting yourself, body and soul, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, to the welfare of someone whose major response, in the way of positive reinforcement, is to throw up on you.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Children Family

Babies are the only people I actually trust as far as I can throw them.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
People

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Children Family

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like; it was born 15 minutes ago… it looks like a potato.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & writer
Children Family

Experimenting with Babies

Book Titles Children

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family

That’s smoother than a spanked baby’s butt

Miscellaneous

An ugly baby is a very nasty object – and the prettiest is frightful.

(1819 – 1901) English monarch of the United Kingdom
Children Family

Baby: Morning caller, noonday crawler, midnight bawler.

Children Definitions Family

When I hear a baby, I always write down the noises he makes, so later I can ask him what he meant.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Communication Family

I don’t have any children but if I had a baby I would have to name it so I’d buy a “baby naming book” … or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Books Children Family

The baby wakes up in the wee wee hours of the morning.

Children Family Wordplay

All babies look like Renee Zellweger pushed against a glass window.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance

Baby: An inhabitant of Lapland.

Children Definitions Family

Even before the kids are born, you’ve got to make these decisions; if it’s a boy, do we get him circumcised?… if it’s a girl, do we keep her?

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Family Situations

A woman never wakes up her second baby just to see it smile.

Children Family

Now the thing about having a baby – and I can’t be the first person to have noticed this – is that thereafter you have it.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Family

The sun always rises in the baby's bedroom window.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations