Subject: Animals » Cats

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they’re really doing is saying, “I can’t knit, get this away from me!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Games You Can Play With Your Pussy

I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.

(1821 – 1867) French poet, essayist & art critic

A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him… Why? … I was the only one without a cat.

(1952 – ) comedian

A cat walking into a room containing twelve seated people will jump into the lap of the person who hates cats the most.

There are no seeing eye cats, of course, because the sole function of cats, in the Great Chain of Life, is to cause harm to human beings.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You

I just gave my cat a bath; now how do I get all this fur off my tongue?

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist

Cats have nine lives… which makes them ideal for experimentation.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look whether they’ve seen a moth or an ax murder.

(1959 – ) American comedian

It was raining cats and dogs, and I fell in a poodle.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five-year-old boy.

(1880 – 1964) American writer & photographer

A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats

Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster

Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.

My Big Book of Pretty Pussies

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