Subject: Animals » Dogs

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog; well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty.

(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier

A house without a dog or a cat is the house of a scoundrel.

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Any member introducing a dog into the Society’s premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.

Dachshund: An animal half a dog high by a dog and a half long.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Some dog I got too; we call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator

Last night he went on the paper four times… three of those times I was reading it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.

I got a new dog… he’s a paranoid retriever; he brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist

Let sleeping ducks lie.

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

My parents had to tie a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

That’s why they’re man’s best friend… ‘cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are; so do women, but they’ve already got men

(1957 – ) American comedian
The Hunger Site