Subject: Beliefs » God (Page 3)

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Men People Things

An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard only one side of the case; God has written all the books.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Beliefs Books God

God will pardon me… it is His trade.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Beliefs God

Man makes plans . . . and God laughs.

(1963 – ) American writer
Beliefs God

Saying that you don’t believe in magic but do believe in God is a bit like saying you don’t have sex with dogs, except Labradors.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs God

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Money Situations

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Beliefs Elections/Voting God Government

Every day, people are straying away from the Church and going back to God.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Beliefs God Religion

Jolson's ego was so big he could have given the Lord himself an inferiority complex.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics God

Droughts are because God didn’t pay his water bill.


God

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Opinion

If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities God

It only rains straight down… God doesn't do windows.


God

I wore flowers in my hair and meditated for hours on end. I was finding God all over the place… He kept ditching me.

(1938 – ) American actor
God TV/Movie Quotes

God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Conflict God War

A skeptic is a person who would ask God for his ID card.


Characteristics God

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

Beliefs God People Self

Don't get me wrong, I believe in God; I just don't trust anybody who works for him.

television executive & comedian
Beliefs God

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs God Sex

God is not dead but alive and working on a much less ambitious project.

Beliefs God

Gods like to see an atheist around… gives them something to aim at.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Beliefs God