Subject: Government (Page 2)

Mondale’s Offensive Looks Hard to Beat

Headlines Politicians

The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression?

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Government

1. In dealing with their “own” problems, faculty members are the most extreme conservatives 2. In dealing with “other” people's problems, they are the world's most extreme liberals.

Beliefs Government Murphy’s Laws Situations

Tea Bags are for D-Bags

Politics

Government Tears Up Red Tape

Government Headlines

Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
America Elections/Voting Government Places

The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.

Military

There are three types of intelligence: the intelligence of man, the intelligence of animals and the intelligence of the military… in that order.

(1911 – 1994) German film director & producer
Animals Intelligence Military

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Democracy Elections/Voting Government

The Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries.

(1961 – ) 44th U.S. president
Government Misspokements

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Family Government Law Lawyers Mothers People

It takes nerve to be a Democrat, but it takes money to be a Republican.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Politicians

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons!

Arms Conflict Military Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Doctors Government Health Law Lawyers

I called my lawyer and said, ‘Can I ask you two questions?’ He said, ‘What’s the second question?

Government Lawyers Murphy’s Laws

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule – and both commonly succeed, and are right.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Democracy Government Politics Success

The first thing we do, let’s kill the lawyers.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Government Killing Law Lawyers

A politician will do anything to keep his job—even become a patriot.

(1863 – 1951) American newspaper magnate & politician
Government Politicians

1. Get elected
2. Get re-elected
3. Don’t get mad, get even.

Anger Elections/Voting Emotions Government Murphy’s Laws Politicians