Subject: Government (Page 4)

I won’t eat anything that has intelligent life, but I’d gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
Eating Food/Drink Politicians

Queen: A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government People

Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss; whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

Military

There is a statue of limitation.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Law Malaprops

Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Alcohol Beer Food/Drink Government

Perhaps we could have a translation, I could not quite follow.

(1894 – 1986) British prime minister
Communication Government

In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Government Law

A Conservative government is an organized hypocrisy.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Government

The Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Death Government

Republicans elect stupid leaders with brilliant staffs and Democrats produce brilliant presidents with stupid staffs.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Government Politicians President

The mistake a lot of politicians make is forgetting they’ve been appointed and thinking they’ve been anointed.

(1900 – 1989) American politician
Government Politicians

Here [in Paris] they hang a man first, and try him afterward.

(1622 – 1673) French playwright & actor
Government Law Places

The wind doesn't bother me. I'm in the U.S. Senate.

(1923 – ) U.S. senator (Kansas) & presidential candidate
Congress Government

1. Get elected
2. Get re-elected
3. Don’t get mad, get even.

Anger Elections/Voting Emotions Government Murphy’s Laws Politicians

Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep

Military

We still… cannot catch Osama bin Laden, but we nailed Martha Stewart's ass to the wall.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Failure Government Law People

When in doubt, empty the magazine.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

Judge: Are you trying to show contempt for this court, Mr Smith?

Smith: No, My Lord. I am attempting to conceal it.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Government Insults

If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.

Military Murphy’s Laws

He rules the country with an iron fist – the same way he plays the piano.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government People

We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex, but Congress can.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer
Congress Government