Subject: Life

I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there.

(1916 – 1997) newspaper journalist

If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer – not a book.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

If only we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.

(1862 – 1937) novelist & short story writer

Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist

Life is just one damned thing after another.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

Let’s face facts, shall we?… There is a very real possibility that this could also be the last day of the rest of your life.

(1939 – ) television newscaster

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older… little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman—stuff you pay good money for in later life.

(1956 – ) American comedian

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

It is a sobering thought, that when Mozart was my age he had been dead for two years.

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist

Life is wasted on the living.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician

I hate reality… but nevertheless, it’s still the only place to get a good steak.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Life is one long process of getting tired.

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Immortality – a fate worse than death.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

For me, the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer

There are two tragedies in life; one is not to get your heart’s desire, the other is to get it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

As soon as you’re doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else.

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