Subject: Life

Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence

I ordered a wake-up call the other day – the phone rang and a woman’s voice said, ‘What the heck are you doing with your life?’

The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever.

(1916 – 1997) newspaper journalist

I recommend you to take care of the minutes, for the hours will take care of themselves.

Lord Chesterfield (1694 – 1773) British statesman

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older… little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman—stuff you pay good money for in later life.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

We must all hang together, or most assuredly we shall all hang separately.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

You're supposed to eat the cows; they're great big lumbering stupid things – they’d be everywhere if we didn’t eat them.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

We live in a world where John Lennon was murdered, yet Barry Manilow continues to put out f**king albums.

(1961 – 1994) comedian

There are two impossibilities in life: “just one drink” and “an honest politician.”

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

It is not a fragrant world.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter

We just had a near – life experience!

(1962 – ) writer & journalist

It’s hard to be famous and alive.

(1948 – ) English novelist

The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties he is at the maximum of his villainy.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Life is just one damned thing after another.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

Next to Sammy’s life, my life has always appeared dull. Then again, next to a barnacle’s life, my life has always appeared dull.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

I like life… it's something to do.

comedian

When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

(1937 – 2005) journalist & author

If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it!

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor













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