Subject: Life

I've got to get out of this rut and back in the groove.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

To expect life to treat you good is as foolish as hoping a bull won’t hit you because you are a vegetarian.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

Living in a vacuum sucks.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The nearest approach to immortality on earth is a government bureau.

(1879 – 1972) U.S. governor (South Carolina)

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.

It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist

The reports on human progress are beginning to come in, and some are a little discouraging.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

Everything takes more time and money.

There ought to be a better way of starting the day than having to get up.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist

If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.

(1903 – 1957) Hungarian-American mathematician

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

We live in a world where John Lennon was murdered, yet Barry Manilow continues to put out f**king albums.

(1961 – 1994) comedian

Much work, much food; little work, little food; no work, burial at sea.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

I ordered a wake-up call the other day – the phone rang and a woman’s voice said, ‘What the heck are you doing with your life?’

I am like Hugh Hefner minus anything good about his life.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering… and it’s all over much too soon.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Life’s too short for chess.

(1834 - 1884) - American born British dramatist & actor

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

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