Subject: Miscellaneous

About half.

Angelo Giuseppe Roncalli (1881 – 1963) Italian pope

Here’s a good tip for when you go to the beach: a sand dollar may look like a nice cracker that someone left, but trust me, they don’t taste like it.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves.; and usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

Slower than molasses in January

Darn it, I tumped over my tea.

Hotter than two rabbits screwin’ in a wool sock!

It’s raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up.

He is so green if you stuck him in the ground he would grow.

Return an answer.

When a dog is tight-mouthed

My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to; then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.

(1975 – ) English comedian

I was as surprised as if a sheep had bit me.

Quit bein’ ugly.

He could sell firewood in hell.

Can't get blood from a turnip.

I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

Instead of putting a quarter under a kid’s pillow, how about a pine cone? … that way, he learns that ‘wishing’ isn’t going to save our national forests.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that’s all I have to say.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

I think there probably should be a rule that if you’re talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it’s understood that you mean lengthwise loaves; otherwise, it makes no sense.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

It is fun to be in the same decade with you.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president

Green as a gourd

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