Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 5)

Do you want your dinner now or when you get it.

Miscellaneous

Good news rarely comes in a brown envelope.

(1909 – 1976) British army officer, company director & politician
Miscellaneous

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage; I take that as a compliment.

Miscellaneous

Were you raised in a barn?

Miscellaneous

Tougher than a one-eared alley cat.

Miscellaneous

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back… NOW who’s asking the questions?

Miscellaneous

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Miscellaneous

Y'all stay the night. We don’t have extra beds, but I’m sure we can find a nail to hang you on.

Miscellaneous

Don’t judge someone until they have tossed your salad.

(1954 – ) American actor & singer
Miscellaneous

I hope I never have to use my underpants as a flag, because after that I could never let my underpants touch the ground

Miscellaneous

Throw the hatchet

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Don't get your knickers in a knot.

Miscellaneous

Warning to all outer-space guys: you can capture me and put me in your “space zoo” if you like, but I will sit way in the back of my cage, where it’s hard to see me; and when I do come out, I won’t be wearing any pants.

Miscellaneous

He's ugly enough to scare the buzzards off a gut wagon.

Miscellaneous

Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

I swaney, Mama shoulda named me Grace.

Miscellaneous

Sittin’ in the catbird seat

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Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

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Ain’t got both oars in the water

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Jack: We are lovers.

Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

A blue million

Miscellaneous