Subject: People » Women

Do you know why God withheld the sense of humor from women? … that we may love you instead of laugh at you.

(1865-1940) English actress

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

(1920 – 1996) American psychologist & writer & advocate of psychedelic drugs

Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.

On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him.

(1861 – 1950) American writer

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence; when men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.

(1943 – ) American psychologist, author

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

It may be the cock that crows, but it is the hen that lays the eggs.

(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician

Some women pick men to marry; and others pick them to pieces.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

A lot of rich women seeing how small they can get their dogs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

My wife is a sex object; every time I ask for sex, she objects.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian

I really detest movies like Indecent Proposal and Pretty Woman because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal; and really that’s such a small part of it.

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Pretty women make us buy beer… ugly women make us drink beer.

(1946 – ) American actor

She’s a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

Intuition: That strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.

It’s well-known that men and women are different but it keeps being rediscovered with great excitement.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

I'm not saying older women are sluttier; I'm just saying, an older woman isn't gonna make you wait 'til three in the morning 'cause she's got shit to do the next day.

American comedian