Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
View All Authors
A woman without a man is like a fish needs a bicycle.
Patricia 'Irina' Dunn
(1988 – 1990) Australian writer & politician
Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on woman.
(1879 – 1964) British politician
A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.
(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.
comedian, writer, actor & producer
There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it – if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
American actor & comedian
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
(1953 – ) comedian & actor
With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes; with male menopause you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
The way things are these days, a girl's gotta play hard to take.
Jane Sherwood Ace
(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Maryon Elspeth Pearson
(1901 – 1989) wife of Lester Bowles Pearson, Canadian prime minister
Woman is the most powerful magnet in the universe, and all men are cheap metal… and they all know where 'North' is.
(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
If they ever invent a vibrator that can open pickle jars, we’ve had it.
(1964 – ) English comedian & writer
On the future of men
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did.
Edgar Watson Howe
(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
I took this girl to dinner, and I heard that women like it when you order for them, so I was like, 'I'll have the special, and she's not getting anything tonight.'
(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
America is a land where men govern, but women rule.
John Mason Brown
(1900 – 1969) American drama critic & author
Pretty women make us buy beer… ugly women make us drink beer.
(1946 – ) American actor
As Al Bundy in “Married With Children”
A man leaves a woman for another woman, but a woman leaves a man for herself.
In the 1950's only seven percent of American women dyed their hair; today there are parts of Manhattan and Los Angeles where there are no gray-haired women at all.
(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men, and I just want to say to the authors of that study "Duh."
(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Page 1 of 21
Copyright © Just-One-Liners.com