Subject: Sports » Golf

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off; I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Alcohol Golf Sports

There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf.

Golf Problems Sports

Drive: A shot that comes after the whiff and before the mulligan.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

There are two things you can do with your head down– play golf and pray.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Sports

Why ask me? You've asked me two times already and paid no atention to what I said. So pick your own goddam club!

Golf Sports

If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf.

golf writer
Characteristics Golf Sports

If you watch a game, it’s fun; if you play it, it’s recreation; if you work at it, it’s golf.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don’t have to walk any extra distance to get it.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

Keep close count of your nickels and dimes, stay away from whiskey, and never concede a putt.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

Golf is not just a good walk ruined, it’s also the act of hitting things violently with a stick ruined.

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Golf Sports

Sam Snead was born with a natural ability to keep his bar bills as low as his golf scores.

(1910 – 1983) professional golfer
Alcohol Golf Sports

Around a clubhouse they'll tell you even God has to practice his putting. In fact, even Nicklaus does.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf Misspokements Sports

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Golf Insults Intelligence

Dr. Beeper: I thought you’d be the man to beat this year.

Ty Webb: I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.

(1943 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Golf TV/Movie Quotes

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Appearance Golf Sports

The number one thing about trouble is… don't get into more.

American professional golfer
Golf Problems Sports

Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Golf Sports

I don’t think anywhere is there a symbiotic relationship between caddie and player like there is in golf.

professional golfer & commentator
Golf Misspokements Sports

Retire to what?… I'm a golfer and a fisherman; there's nothing to retire to.

professional golfer
Golf Sports