Subject: Sports » Golf

The niblick, with its heavy head of iron, is a capital club for knocking down solicitors.

That sounded like he hit a roll of wet toilet paper.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt… the rest can never be mastered.

(1946 – ) British politician

John Daly's longer than Greg Norman… he’s even longer than War and Peace.

American sports columnist

Man blames most accidents on fate – but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on the golf course.

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

Golf is a better game played downhill.

(1940 – ) professional golfer

A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

Nobody but you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn't care, either.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter

A woman I know is engaged to a real golf nut.  They are supposed to get married next Saturday…but only if it rains.

Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him; the smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole.

The Royal Hong Kong Club caddies hit the nail on the head; their term for golf – "Hittee ball, say damn."

Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter

It is so long it’s the first time I’ve had to take into account the curvature of the earth.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

We learn so many things from golf – how to suffer, for instance.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

Years ago we discovered the exact point of middle age; it occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist

I enjoy the oohs! and aahs! from the gallery when I hit my drives; but I'm getting pretty tired of the awws! and uhhs! when I miss the putt.

professional golfer

I can tell you one thing. I've done this my way. I don't have anybody to blame for this win but me, and I love it.

professional golfer

He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist













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