Subject: Sports » Golf

I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.

professional baseball player

I spent $3 million on drink and $3 million on gambling, but I wasted the rest.

professional golfer

My best score ever was 103. But I've only been playing fifteen years.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor

He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls… I stepped on a rake.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

I just stood there watching him walk past and thinking, ‘I don’t know what that is, but I know there weren’t two of them on Noah’s Ark.’

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

At first a golfer excuses a dismal performance by claiming bad lies; with experience, he covers up with better ones.

If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf.

golf writer

There are two things that won’t last long in this world – dogs that chase cars and pros that putt for pars.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt… the rest can never be mastered.

(1946 – ) British politician

If you pick up a golfer and hold it close to your ear, like a conch shell, and listen, you will hear an alibi.

Golf isn’t a game, it’s a choice that one makes with one’s life.

screenwriter & producer

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.

British golf writer & commentator

Those trees seem to grow every year…

British professional golfer & commentator

I’ve had a good day when I don’t fall out of the cart.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor

Until you play it, St. Andrews looks like the sort of real estate you couldn't give away.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer

When Lee [Trevino] and Jack [Nicklaus] win, it is good for golf; when I win, it is better.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer

You never had to ask his score; just count the casualties.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor