Subject: Age

My grandmother died having sex… I still cry every time I watch the video.

(Uncle Lar) American comedian
Age Family Sex

At twenty, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it’s thinking of us; at forty, we discover it isn’t thinking about us at all.

Age Intelligence

When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.

Age Old Young

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was so poor I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Food/Drink Money Poverty Young

I watched Ken Burns’ Civil War series on PBS… my favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Age Old People

I said to my husband, ‘My boobs have gone, my stomach’s gone, say something nice about my legs;’ he said, ‘Blue goes with everything.’

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Old

You know you’re getting old when you start to dress in more than six colors.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Age Appearance Clothing Old

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Emotions Failure Friends

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president… now I’m beginning to believe it.

(1857 – 1938) American lawyer
Age Government President Young

There are three ages of man – youth, middle age, and ‘you’re looking wonderful.’

(1889 – 1967) American bishop & cardinal of the Catholic Church
Age

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.

(1924 – ) American actress & singer
Age

He’s as old as some trees.

Canadian hockey player & coach
Age Hockey Old Sports

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Age Men Time Women

Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Age Young

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Age Individuals People

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict Friends Killing People Young

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Children Family Parents

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Animals Books Communication Dogs Intelligence Reading/Writing Relationships Situations

I didn’t see it [old age] coming — it hit me from the rear.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Old

Zeal: A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Young

She has discovered the secret of perpetual middle age.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Age Insults