Subject: Activities (Page 20)

Last time I went camping I accidentally borrowed a circus tent.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Situations Things

Nature abhors a vacuum… and so do I.

American cartoonist & greeting card illustrator
Housework Situations Things Work

At the gym; I’ve given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

American comedian & actor
Activities

I concentrate on exercises from the waist down, since that is the laziest part of a woman's body.

(1934 – ) American actress, singer & author
Activities Exercise People Women

They should call fishing what it really is… tricking and killing!

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals Language Sports

I was in Connecticut recently… doing white people stuff.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Activities People

I bought a million lottery tickets… I won a dollar.


Activities Money

The one you want is never the one on sale.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more.

Activities Definitions

There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities

If my dead father was alive to hear that, it would kill him.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Death Family Fathers Misspokements Situations Travel

I go running when I have to – like when the ice cream truck is going 60, or I need a lift to the bakery.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Activities Exercise Food/Drink

Remember, anyone can juggle for a second.


Activities

A friend of mine recently joked that his mobile phone will beat Magnus Carlsen; I said, ‘What are you talking about? My microwave could beat Magnus Carlsen.’

(1965 – ) British chess grandmaster & chess writer
Activities Reviews/Criticism

You ever go shopping for a really cute, little, sexy black dress – and you come home with an extra-large pepperoni pizza?


Shopping Situations

At 19 miles, when most runners run out of steam and you hit what they call ‘the wall,’ is the exact moment you cross into the South Bronx; so here, they combine running and fleeing.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Exercise Places Sports

Crystal meth's a good drug if you need to walk to St. Louis one weekend.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, radio personality & author
Activities Drugs

Swimming isn’t a sport; it’s just a way to keep from drowning.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Sports

When in doubt, take the trick.

Activities Games Murphy’s Laws

The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Activities Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

I'm not embarrassed going to a drug store anymore to buy a condom; although, the woman behind the counter said, 'Save your money; buy a lottery ticket.'

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Shopping Situations