Activities | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Activities (Page 25)

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

Steven Wright

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Giving up smoking is easy… I've done it hundreds of times.

Mark Twain

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Activities Characteristics Quitting Smoking

Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

Dave Barry

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Activities Beliefs Religion Shopping Holidays

If fishing is a religion, fly fishing is high church.

Tom Brokaw

(1940 – ) American television journalist & author

Activities Ffly fishing

I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.

Alfie Moore

English police officer, writer, stand-up comedian & radio performer

Activities Sports Addiction Swimming

If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.

Mitch Hedberg

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Activities Animals Sleep

In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.

Paulg's Law

America Murphy’s Laws Shopping Cost Savings

Knitted Historical Figures

Jan Messent

Activities Book Titles Knitting

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Activities Age Golf Old Sports Time Handicaps Roman numerals

Let crack and heroin be manufactured by the pharmaceutical companies, that way nobody can afford them.

David Feldman

American comedian & writer

Activities Drugs Pharmaceutical companies

A man who goes into a supermarket for a few items would rather walk around balancing them than put them in one of those little baskets.

Rita Rudner

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Activities Men People

1. Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. 2. A free agent is anything but. 3. Whatever can go to New York will..

Murray’s Rules of the Arena

Activities Murphy’s Laws New York City Places Sports Free agents Teams

Howard: The doctor says you’ve got to get exercise.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I get plenty of exercise.
Howard: Crushing my will to live isn’t exercise!

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Activities TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory” Exercise

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

Phyllis Diller

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Housework Work Ironing

The “Consumer Report” on the item will come out a week after you’ve made your purchase.
Corollaries: 1. The one you bought will be rated “unacceptable.”. 2. The one you almost bought will be rated “best buy.”

Beryl’s Law

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

Robert Heinlein

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author

Emotions Exercise Love Sex

They say the best exercise takes place in the bedroom; I believe it, because that's where I get the most resistance.

Jeff Shaw

comedian

Activities Exercise Sex Bedroom

Patsy: Well, what am I supposed to do if you die?
Edina: Get cabs!

Jennifer Saunders

(1958 – ) English comedian, screenwriter & actress

Driving TV/Movie Quotes As Edina (Eddie) in “Absolutely Fabulous”

Dancing is a wonderful training for girls, it’s the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it.

Christopher Morley

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

Activities Dance Education Girls Men People Women

I was going to join the debating team, but somebody talked me out of it.

Stewart Francis

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Activities Communication Speech Debate

That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.