Subject: Activities (Page 25)

Swimming isn’t a sport; it’s just a way to keep from drowning.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Sports

Our culture teaches us to buy things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't like.

(1946 – 2007) American entrepreneur
Activities Shopping

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Sex Travel

The only thing I liked about camping was the fact that you can be drunk and have dirty feet, and you still had a pretty good chance of hooking up.

comedian
Activities Sex

If fishing is a religion, fly fishing is high church.

(1940 – ) American television journalist & author
Activities

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’… On what?… On fire?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian
Activities Clothing Shopping Situations Women

My grandma used to say “Sound your Klaxon when you come around a turn,” and I’d say “Shut your f**king Klaxon I’m driving!” … Oh we had fun.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author
Activities Driving

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house; I never slept alone until after I was married.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Situations Sleep

I’m not a very good sleeper, but you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am.

(1982 – ) American author
Activities Sleep

How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house?… look inside your pants and if you find a penis in there, it's not time.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Housework Men People Situations

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Activities People Travel

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Food/Drink Situations Sleep

The speed of an oncoming vehicle is directly proportional to the length of the passing zone.

Activities Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Death People

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Shopping Situations

Whatever arrangement you make for the division of household duties, your husband's job will be easier.

Housework Husbands Murphy’s Laws Wives

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

I went to a massage parlor; it was self service.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Sex

A British newspaper published a photo of Michael Phelps inhaling from a marijuana pipe; Phelps says he only took one hit, but he held it for three minutes.

(1952 – ) American fitness coach & educator
Activities Drugs

My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Doctors Exercise Health

If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives