Subject: Activities (Page 27)

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg… I thought: ‘This could be interesting.’

comedian
Activities Exercise

My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Doctors Exercise Health

A truly reckless driver is one who passes you when you are already exceeding the speed limit.

Activities Driving

If it feels good, it’s ugly. If it looks good, it hurts.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Life’s too short for chess.

(1834 - 1884) - American born British dramatist & actor
Activities Games Life Time

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Family Money Mothers Travel Work

People often write me and ask how I keep my wood floors so clean when I live with a child and a dog, and my answer is that I use a technique called “Suffering From a Mental Illness.”

(1975 – ) blogger
Health Housework

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Activities Family Travel

If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.

(1982 – ) American author
Activities Situations

I want to ride in a cold air balloon; “This isn’t going anywhere!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations

I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell asleep.

comedian
Situations Sleep

I'm not embarrassed going to a drug store anymore to buy a condom; although, the woman behind the counter said, 'Save your money; buy a lottery ticket.'

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Shopping Situations

It's like, I hate getting up in the morning, unless it's over and over and over and over again… then I'm good.

American comedian & musician
Situations Sleep

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Animals

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be; no one cares, why should you?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

A man seldom knows what he can do until he tries to undo what he did.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer
Activities

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

One time, I got pulled over at four a.m.; I was fined seventy-five dollars for being intoxicated and four-hundred for being with the Phillies.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Driving Sports

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

(1925 – 2001) actor & musician
Activities Golf People Sports

No one needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Activities

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

Murphy’s Laws Proverbs Situations Sleep