Subject: Activities (Page 28)

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer
Activities Beliefs God Travel

It has always been my private conviction that any man who pits his intelligence against a fish and loses has it coming.

(1902 – 1968) novelist
Activities Sports

I can’t drive an automatic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving Things

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that is the way to bet.

(1990 – 1946) newspaperman & writer
Activities Success

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Things Time Travel

I did think about adopting… an 18-year-old girl from Thailand, whose hobbies include vacuuming and some light dusting.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Girls Housework People Relationships

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Housework Situations World

For [my husband], getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Situations Sleep Work

I try to keep fit; I’ve got these parallel bars at home… I run at them and try to buy a drink from both of them.

(1954 – ) English comedian writer
Activities Alcohol Exercise Food/Drink

I thought about giving up smoking, but decided not to – I’m not a quitter.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Activities

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Shopping

When I was 15 years old, I got my learner’s permit, which meant that the state of Florida was now obligating me to learn to drive with the two worst drivers in the world: my mom and my dad.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Autos Driving Family Parents Situations

When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

If you need n items of anything, you will have n – 1 in stock.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

I don’t like people who take drugs… customs men for example.

(1950 – ) British comedian
Activities Driving

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Activities Animals Food/Drink

A truly reckless driver is one who passes you when you are already exceeding the speed limit.

Activities Driving

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.

(1910 – 1999) American test pilot (Northrup Aircraft)
Activities

Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more.

Activities Definitions

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep