Subject: Activities (Page 29)

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Men People Shopping War Women

There is literally no difference between house parties and haunted houses.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Activities

The only sport where you can spend an arm and a leg to break an arm and a leg. 

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Activities Health Sports

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

So little time and so little to do.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Activities Time

I don’t let men smoke in my apartment, but if I have a woman over she can barbecue a goat.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Activities Women

Excuse the mess but we live here.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Activities Housework

When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.

Activities Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Travel

I get my exercise from acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

(1834 – 1928) American attorney for Cornelius Vanderbilt
Activities Death Exercise

Now what I don't get are these people who, instead of buying a four-pack or an eight-pack of toilet paper, they buy the single individual roll; are you trying to quit?

comedian
Shopping Situations

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday; I’ll tell you what… never again.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Activities Time

I don't jog; if I die I want to be sick.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Activities Death

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you’re away and get nothing done, there’s another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

(1869 – 1946) American bridge builder & engineer
Activities Work

It's like, I hate getting up in the morning, unless it's over and over and over and over again… then I'm good.

American comedian & musician
Situations Sleep

Whatever arrangement you make for the division of household duties, your husband's job will be easier.

Housework Husbands Murphy’s Laws Wives

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs… like custom officers.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
Activities Drugs

The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you’re gay.

(1983 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities

Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities America Drugs Education People

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Life Sleep

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish… my dreams were broadcast all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Situations Sleep World