Subject: Activities (Page 39)

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating… the other 20 percent lied.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Activities Golf Sports

I took lessons in bicycle riding, but I could only afford half of them… now I can ride a unicycle.


Activities

I'm an ice sculptor – last night I made a cube… this morning I made 12

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Things

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

American comedian
Appearance Clothing Shopping

The only thing I liked about camping was the fact that you can be drunk and have dirty feet, and you still had a pretty good chance of hooking up.

comedian
Activities Sex

There is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Activities

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can’t make your children carry.

American author
Activities Shopping

Don't worry, I'm merely catching up with sleep.

Epitaphs Situations Sleep

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Computers Games Sports Things

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Activities People Travel

They don't mind after they find out they don't have to study for it.

American football coach
Drugs Football Sports

The way I see it… If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you’re doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Autos Driving Intelligence Things

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Life Situations Sleep

When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

Sleep is the best of both worlds: you get to be alive and unconscious.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Situations Sleep

If I drop out of school, where am I gonna find drugs?

Palestinian/American comedian
Activities Drugs School Situations

The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Activities Body

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Animals Conflict Situations Sleep

How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Games Situations

A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by mother, who sees that the others get it.

writer
Activities Family Mothers