Subject: Activities (Page 39)

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Activities

There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Travel

Short Vacation: Half a loaf.

Activities Definitions

The shortest route has the steepest hills.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Housework Things Time Work

The score never interested me, only the game.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Games

The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

No, I'm not a good shot, but I shoot often.

(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Activities

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Activities Golf Sports

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers – they’re going to make a game out of it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Activities Death Games People Self

Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll go to sleep before you finish saying it.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands Marriage Sleep

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people “the cops.”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Alcohol Autos Driving Food/Drink Things

Leisure tends to corrupt, and absolute leisure corrupts absolutely.


Activities

I like American women; they do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing… like showering.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Activities Places Sex

I don’t know… I’ve never smoked it.

(1943 – ) American football player
Activities Sports

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Activities Housework

I was in Moldova airport and I went into the duty-free shop – and there wasn’t a duty-free shop.

British football player
Activities Misspokements Travel

If God had really intended man to fly, He’d make it easier to get to the airport.

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor
Activities Travel

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Age Happiness Health Old

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things