Subject: Activities (Page 6)

Kids… I like kids, but I couldn’t eat a whole one.

Age Children Family Travel

I liked Amsterdam… I spent $2,000 window shopping.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Places Sex Shopping

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities People Sex

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Housework People

My grandfather was killed at Custer’s last stand… he was camping in the next field and went over to complain about the noise.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Activities

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

Activities Games

One of the worst things that can happen to you in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age.

American billiards champion & hustler
Activities Sports

1. Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
2. You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
3. A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws New York City Places

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Activities People Travel

I don’t know… I’ve never smoked it.

(1943 – ) American football player
Activities Sports

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad; the good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Situations Sleep

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer
Activities Alcohol Drugs Sleep

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people “the cops.”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Alcohol Autos Driving Food/Drink Things

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows; when I woke up, my pillow was missing.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Situations Sleep

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Activities Definitions

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Activities Self Sex

Life is a game, the object of which is to discover the object of the game.

Games Life Murphy’s Laws

Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

I’ve never been swimming, and that’s because it’s never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, radio personality & author
Activities Eating Food/Drink Sports

I often take exercise; why only yesterday I had breakfast in bed.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Exercise