Subject: Activities » Shopping

The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Men People Shopping War Women

A necessary item goes on sale only after you have purchased it at the regular price.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

You ever go shopping for a really cute, little, sexy black dress – and you come home with an extra-large pepperoni pizza?


Shopping Situations

Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I’d rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.

Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.

(1939 – 2010) American actress
Activities Shopping TV/Movie Quotes

That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People Shopping Women

You might be a redneck if… the Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Entertainment People Rednecks Shopping Television

Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Beliefs Religion Shopping

I ask myself questions in those stores I don't ask myself anywhere else, like, 'Will I live long enough to use all those paper towels?'

American comedian & musician
Age Old Shopping

I liked Amsterdam… I spent $2,000 window shopping.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Places Sex Shopping

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Shopping Situations

1. If you like it, they don't have it in your size. 2. If you like it and its in your size, it doesn't fit anyway. 3. If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it. 4. If you like it, it fits, and you can afford it, it falls apart the first time you wash it.

Appearance Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Shopping

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Activities Definitions Shopping

You might be a redneck if… you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks Shopping

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.

writer
Activities People Shopping Women

Ever notice that Soup For One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

(1952 – ) comedian
Food/Drink Shopping

The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she’s shopping.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Shopping

Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.

Activities Definitions Shopping

The other line moves faster.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Bargain: anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Money Shopping