Subject: Activities » Shopping (Page 4)

Men can say things in stores women can't believe like, "but I already have a pair of black pants.”

(1952 – ) comedian

Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The most important item in an order will no longer be available.

I’ve read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.

(1882 – 1942) American actor

I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, 'Excuse me, I need some condoms;' and he said, 'Just a minute,' and I said, 'Oh, that's my brand.'

American comedian & actor

Bargain: A transaction in which each party thinks he has cheated the other.

I went to a general store, but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I ask myself questions in those stores I don't ask myself anywhere else, like, 'Will I live long enough to use all those paper towels?'

American comedian & musician

The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" means the price went up.

If you need n items of anything, you will have n – 1 in stock.

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”


How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

Now what I don't get are these people who, instead of buying a four-pack or an eight-pack of toilet paper, they buy the single individual roll; are you trying to quit?

comedian

When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's go shopping.'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

The customer is always ripe.

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.

writer

Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It’s been along for years… it’s called cash.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor