Subject: Animals (Page 10)

A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Animals

So, You’ve Got a Fat Pussy

Animals Book Titles Cats

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Animals

You're supposed to eat the cows; they're great big lumbering stupid things – they’d be everywhere if we didn’t eat them.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Animals Eating Food/Drink Life

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Animals

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Animals Things

The measure of a bird dog's intelligence can be determined by the length of time it takes to resign yourself to his way of thinking.

Animals Dogs Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Animals Dogs TV/Movie Quotes

A camel is a horse designed by a committee.

(1906 – 1988) Greek-British designer of cars
Animals

Whoa!: A brake for horses.

Animals Definitions

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

You might be a redneck if… your last year you hid yer kids' Easter eggs under cow pies.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother… they’ll settle for a puppy every time.

Animals Dogs

The scientific name for an animal that doesn’t either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.

(1947 – ) American philosopher of science
Animals Science/Weather

There are rules about riding a horse, but the horse won’t necessarily know them.

Animals

I have a memory like an elephant; in fact, elephants often consult me.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Animals Intelligence Memory

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian
Animals Eating Food/Drink

You might be a redneck if… you ever named a child after a dog.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Children Dogs Family People Rednecks

I find that a duck’s opinion of me is heavily influenced by whether or not I have bread.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

It was raining cats and dogs, and I fell in a poodle.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Cats Dogs

If man evolved from monkeys and apes… why do we still have monkeys and apes?

(1965 – ) American comedian
Animals Science/Weather