Subject: Animals (Page 10)

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Animals Cats

I could tell by their audible gasps that people on the beach where jealous of me when I found six shark’s teeth; locating them wasn’t really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.

(1982 – ) American author
Animals

Most jobs resemble a sled dog team: no one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws Situations Work

What's black and white and brown and looks good on a lawyer? … a Doberman.

(1931 – 2001) Canadian author, screenwriter & essayist
Animals Dogs Insults Lawyers

The cat could very well be man’s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Animals Cats

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals

I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark.

English comedian, actor & writer
Animals

Man is the only animal that plays poker.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist
Activities Animals People

She has a face like a saint – a St. Bernard!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs Ugly

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Food/Drink

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers; perverted sex involves the whole duck.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Animals Sex

We heard the sea is infatuated with sharks.

Animals Malaprops

It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Situations

A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Things

All dogs look up to you; all cats look down to you… only the pig looks at you as an equal.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Animals Cats Dogs People

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.

Animals Definitions

Once on my birthday my ol’ man gave me a bat; the first day I played with it, it flew away.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Family Fathers

The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Animals

I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Alcohol Animals Food/Drink

You might be a redneck if… you think a "quarter horse" is that ride in front of Kmart.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks Things