Subject: Animals (Page 14)

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.


Animals Things

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Animals Cats People Women

Under any given set of environmental conditions an experimental animal behaves as it damn well pleases.

Animals Murphy’s Laws

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.

(1962 – ) American English professor & writer under pen name Eloisa James
Animals Cats Dogs

To err is human; to purr, feline.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Animals Cats Mistakes Problems

I wanna put stickers on turtles… I don’t know why.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals

You can’t lose a homing pigeon; if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.

(1981 – ) English writer, stand-up comedian & actress
Animals

Yesterday I was a dog… today I’m a dog… tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Animals Dogs

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as if the strings are still in the cat.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Animals Cats Entertainment Music

Black beauty – he's a dark horse.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Animals

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Animals

I wonder what goes through [your dog’s] mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.

American writer
Animals Dogs Intelligence Thinking

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem; there’s a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals

Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong… [they] know who they are, but they often don’t know who you are, which is why they kill you.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Animals

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Animals Dogs

Nothing seems to please a fly so much as to be taken for a currant; and if it can be baked in a cake and palmed off on the unwary, it dies happy.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals

It’s weird… people say they’re not like apes, but how do you explain football then?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Football Sports

Why do I always meet women as I’m leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? … and it’s always on the day I forgot my dog…

(1964 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Relationships Situations

Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws

My dog’s favorite bone is in my arm!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

How come dogs hate it if you blow in their faces; but when they get in the car, they stick their heads out the window.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Dogs