Subject: Animals (Page 14)

Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Moose with calf injures woman near Grand Lake and both are put down by wildlife officials. Agree with the policy?

Animals Headlines

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Animals Cats

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dogs Relationships

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals Sleep

How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You

Book Titles Cats

You know you’re a redneck if you’ve ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Beliefs Dogs

It is not enough for a man to know how to ride; he must know how to fall.

Animals Proverbs

Bought an ant farm the other day… them fellas didn’t grow shit.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Situations Things

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child; we can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Children Dogs Family

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

(1981 – ) British actor
Animals

Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Cats

You might be a redneck if… your last year you hid yer kids' Easter eggs under cow pies.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals

Dogs are forever in the push-up position.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

The measure of a bird dog's intelligence can be determined by the length of time it takes to resign yourself to his way of thinking.

Animals Dogs Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Zoo: A place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.

Animals Definitions Places

I love defenseless animals… especially in good gravy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Food/Drink

It hit me how resentful it must make rats, knowing that they're just a bushy tail away from being hand fed in the park.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Animals Situations

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Animals Cats