Subject: Animals (Page 2)

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

So, You’ve Got a Fat Pussy

Animals Book Titles Cats

A bird in the hand is dead.

Animals Death Murphy’s Laws

Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.


Animals Appearance

He's as big as a gorilla and as strong as a gorilla; if he was as smart as a gorilla he'd be fine.

college football coach
Animals Appearance Body Insults Intelligence

Most jobs resemble a sled dog team: no one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws Situations Work

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals Situations

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Animals

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Situations

Did you know a bird is the only animal that you can throw and you’d be helping it?

Comedian
Animals

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; this is the principal difference between dog and man.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Characteristics Dogs People

You might be a redneck if… you can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

Riding: The art of keeping a horse between yourself and the ground.

Animals Definitions

Whoa!: A brake for horses.

Animals Definitions

Caterpillar: An upholstered worm.

Animals Definitions

When turkeys mate they think of swans.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Animals

I wanna put stickers on turtles… I don’t know why.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals

I’m fond of pigs… dogs look up to us… cats look down on us… pigs treat us as equal.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Animals Cats Dogs

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Animals Dogs

I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Work

The dog has got more fun out of Man than Man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that Man is the more laughable of the two animals.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Animals Dogs