Subject: Animals (Page 6)

Last night he went on the paper four times… three of those times I was reading it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Racehorse: A barn athlete.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look whether they’ve seen a moth or an ax murder.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Animals Cats

If you're a fish, and you want to be a fish stick, you must have very good posture.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Food/Drink

I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs Intelligence

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Animals Insults

Chicken: An egg's way of making more eggs.

Animals

I bought my grandmother a Seeing Eye dog… but he's a little sadistic; he does impressions of cars screeching to a halt.

comedian & television writer
Animals Dogs

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Animals Cats Characteristics People

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Animals

When walking a dog, be sure then animal is smaller than you.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws

You might be a redneck if… your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

A bird in the hand makes blowing your nose difficult.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Animals Appearance Situations Things

Riding: The art of keeping a horse between yourself and the ground.

Animals Definitions

There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.

(1927 – 2007) American newspaper columnist
Animals

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Animals Cats

I can levitate birds… no one cares.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Science/Weather

The measure of a bird dog's intelligence can be determined by the length of time it takes to resign yourself to his way of thinking.

Animals Dogs Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink