Subject: Appearance » Body (Page 15)

I have a million dollar figure… buts it’s all loose change.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

I tan the easy way… I just wait for my liver spots to connect.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist

I hate thin people; “Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

There is an obesity epidemic; one out of every three Americans… weighs as much as the other two.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

If I weren’t earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people in the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

She’s so fat it takes two dogs to bark at her.

When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

My face looks like a wedding cake left out in the rain.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic

He’s so skinny, his pants had only one back pocket.

He was a man of great statue.

She’s like a phenomenon of nature, like Niagara Falls or the Grand Canyon; you can’t talk to it, it can’t talk to you, all you can do is stand back and be awed by it.

(1897 – 1977) American filmwriter, producer & director

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

She is so fat… she broke the family tree.

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body only 2” taller.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

He looks like a bag of antlers.

Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked ‘petite’ and hold on to the receipt.

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.