Subject: Appearance (Page 39)

I eat like a vulture… unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Eating Food/Drink

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’… On what?… On fire?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian
Activities Clothing Shopping Situations Women

Natural Bust Enlargement with Total Mind Power

Appearance Body Book Titles

I'm so physically deficient that the act of sleep injures me.

(1978 – ) American comic writer
Appearance Body

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Appearance

Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Appearance Body Definitions

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Clothing Men People Women

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Appearance Body Definitions

Every time I see you naked I feel bad for your wife.

Czech hockey player
Appearance Body Hockey Sports

Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size 6.

Appearance Definitions Fat

This is day 14 of my head held hostage by this god awful haircut.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Situations

Reducing: Wishful shrinking.

Appearance Body Definitions Wordplay

I base most of my fashion sense on whether or not it itches.

(1946 – 1989) comedian & actress
Appearance Clothing

Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Appearance Characteristics

The problem with women in an orchestra is that if they’re attractive it will upset my players and if they’re not it will upset me.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Appearance Entertainment Music People Women

If your body is 90 per cent water why have you got to drink water all the time? Why can’t you just have some crisps?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

In his prime, Joe Bugner had the physique of a Greek statue, but he had fewer moves.

(1934 – ) Scottish sports writer
Appearance Body Boxing Sports

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body

After forty a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face; my advice is to keep your face, and stay sitting down.

(1901 – 2000) English author
Age Appearance Women