Subject: Beliefs » Religion (Page 3)

He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.

(1922 – 1995) English novelist & poet
Beliefs Religion

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Religion

Let's face it, show business is run by 2,000 Jews and Oprah, and she lives next door to Spielberg, which makes her Jewish by association.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Beliefs Entertainment People Religion

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Beliefs Intelligence Religion

During Passover, the angel of death passed over the Jews – an event that, up until the late 1950s, was re-enacted every year by Ivy League colleges and suburban country clubs.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Religion

They always throw around this term 'the liberal elite,' and I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right; what's more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Government Politics Religion

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Clothing Golf People Religion Sports

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? … If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs Religion Sex

Jesus loves you… He’s not ‘in love’ with you.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Religion

Atheist: A man who has no invisible means of support.

(1875 – 1940) Scottish novelist, historian & Governor General of Canada
Beliefs Definitions Religion

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs New York City Places Religion

Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell; the other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth, and you should save it for someone you love.

(1945 – ) American country/folk musician & song writer
Beliefs Life Places Religion Sex

I’m an Atheist… thank God.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
Beliefs God Religion Wordplay

Christians can have big tits, too.

(1921 – 2011) American film actress & sex symbol
Appearance Beliefs Body Religion

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs People Religion Science/Weather

Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!!

Book Titles Religion

I pledge allegiance to the Christian flag, and to the Savior, for whose Kingdom it stands, one Savior, crucified, risen, and coming again, with life and liberty for all who believe.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Beliefs Misspokements Religion

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Religion

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Family Mothers Religion

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother’s side.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Misspokements Religion