Subject: Beliefs » Religion (Page 7)

Every day, people are straying away from the Church and going back to God.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Beliefs God Religion

I’m Catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it’s a bird!

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

WTF, I thought I voted for a Muslim?!

Beliefs Religion

It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone; the Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery…. you can’t masturbate without lust!

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Beliefs Misspokements Religion Sex

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs People Religion Science/Weather

The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages – as if the savages weren't dangerous enough already.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Beliefs God Opinion Religion

My dad was old school Jewish… not do your taxes Jewish – steal your car Jewish.

American comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

Going to war over religion, is basically just killing people in an argument over who has the better imaginary friend.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Conflict Killing Religion War

Reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Religion

Jesus loves you… He’s not ‘in love’ with you.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Religion

I love seeing [the Pope] in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass… that’s faith in action folks; you know he’s got God on his side.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Beliefs Religion

Christian: A man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

If we are all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Religion

The difference between a saint and a hypocrite is that one lies for his religion, the other by it.

(1861 – 1950) American writer
Beliefs Religion

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Communication Reading/Writing Religion

I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Religion

Baptists never make love standing up; they're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing!

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Beliefs Dance Religion Sex

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

(1964 – ) comedian, political satirist, writer & television host
Beliefs Characteristics Religion

A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Children Family Parents Religion

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

A dead atheist is someone who's all dressed up with no place to go.

James Duffecy (1912 – 1983) Australian evangelist
Beliefs Religion