Subject: Characteristics (Page 31)

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics

[He’s] as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal.

cartoon character (Mel Blanc)
Characteristics TV/Movie Quotes

You may already be a loser!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics

He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Characteristics

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

(1935 – ) screenwriter, author, director & producer
Characteristics Emotions People Self

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

(1913 – 1970) football coach
Characteristics Situations

In the heat of a political lifetime, he innocently squirrels away tidbits of misinformation and then, sometimes years later, casually drops them into his public discourse, like gum balls in a quiche

Characteristics People

If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

Characteristics Expressions Situations

An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics People

Living in a vacuum sucks.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Characteristics Life

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Characteristics People

Power corrupts; absolute power is kind of neat.

(1942 – ) American investment banker, writer & Secretary of the Navy
Characteristics

She has initiated and is very remorseful.

Characteristics Malaprops

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics Family Relationships

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Characteristics Communication Money

I know how to do anything — I’m a mom.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Characteristics Family Mothers

I’ll give up my bad habits as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics

Show me a woman with both feet planted firmly on the ground – and I'll show you a girl who can't get her knickers off.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Characteristics People Women

I couldn’t be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Self

Proud as a dog with two tails

Characteristics Expressions