Subject: Characteristics (Page 35)

Living in a vacuum sucks.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Characteristics Life

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Friends Old People

If at first you don't succeed, lie, lie again.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Characteristics Honesty Lies

When I was losing, they called me nuts; when I was winning they called me eccentric.

(1928 – 2001) American basketball coach
Characteristics Sports

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Self Sex

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Characteristics Facts Science/Weather

Marriage always demands the finest arts of insincerity possible between two human beings."

(1888 – 1960) Austrian writer
Characteristics Marriage

If you don't know what introspection is… you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

(1988 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Communication Wordplay

In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome, but at my best unapproachably great.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self

Guilt: The gift that keeps on giving.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Characteristics Definitions

Show me a woman with both feet planted firmly on the ground – and I'll show you a girl who can't get her knickers off.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Characteristics People Women

I have never been jealous; not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics Education Fathers School

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Situations

I’ve been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks; the rest of them take after the other side of the family.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
America Characteristics Family Fathers People Places

How long is it polite to pretend to continue to listen to someone after they’ve revealed they’ve got a boyfriend?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Communication

Deep down, I'm pretty superficial.

(1922 – 1990) American actress
Characteristics Misspokements

Super-competence is more objectionable than incompetence.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Problems

Sooner or later, I'll be punctual.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Time

I want everyone to tell me the truth, even if it costs him his job.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Characteristics Honesty Truth Work

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Characteristics Marriage Men

The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on woman.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Characteristics Women