Subject: Communication » Language (Page 16)

I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer

Anything in parentheses can be ignored.

Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Discussion: A method of confirming others in their errors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

And always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, “A truck!”

(1956 – ) American comedian

If “con” is the opposite of "pro," then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

Exaggeration: Formal term for a collection of fishermen (i.e. an exaggeration of anglers).

A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the other one.


What happened to the first 6 “ups?”

Plagiarize: To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

Knock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if someone was home. “I hope Joe's home, knock on wood!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

(1906 – 1965) psychologist & speech pathologist

Martyr: One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Alas: Early Victorian for, “Oh, Hell.”

The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw.”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian

A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell.

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