Subject: Communication » Language (Page 16)

This sign says “IMPROV,” but I had a bad set on Friday night, so yesterday they put an “E” on the end of it.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Communication Language

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language Time

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication Language

Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Language

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Communication Language

Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Speech

And always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, “A truck!”

(1956 – ) American comedian
Communication Death Family Language Last words

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

comedian
Communication Food/Drink Language

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is “cheval,” and everything else follows in the same way.

(1922 – 1990) American computer scientist
Communication Language

Monument: A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.

(1887 – 1964) British actor, writer & theater director
Communication Language Speech

Did I already tell you my Alzheimer's joke?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

Incomprehensible jargon is the hallmark of a profession.

(1919 – 1988) American diplomat & educator
Communication Language Work

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Self

All phone calls are obscene.

American author
Communication Language

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Age Communication Language Old Speech World

Women speak two languages – one of which is verbal.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Communication Language People Women

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language People Things

When in doubt, ascribe all quotations to Bernard Shaw.

(1944 – ) English writer & broadcaster
Communication Language Reading/Writing