Subject: Communication (Page 43)

Who remembers when X Factor was just Roman suncream?

British comedian
Communication Wordplay

It is all very well to be able to write books, but can you waggle your ears?

(1860 – 1937) Scottish author, dramatist (creator of Peter Pan)
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Communication Language Speech

I can read minds but, it’s pointless cause I’m illiterate.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing

Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian
Children Communication Family Mothers

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Communication Language Wordplay

It is a cliché that most clichés are true, but then like most clichés, that cliché is untrue.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Communication Language

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Animals Communication

Like playing Beethoven on the kazoo.

(1938 – ) English academic, newspaper columnist & author
Communication Reading/Writing

I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody else that they would keep it a secret.

(1897 – 1972) broadcast journalist & gossip columnist
Communication Speech

I like to leave messages before the beep.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Things

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Communication

My wife said: ‘I want an explanation and I want the truth.’ I said: ‘Make up your mind.’

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Communication Honesty Marriage Truth Wives

When you can’t discover the cause of a breakdown, all of the free advice you get will be for things you’ve already checked.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

I am his awfully-wedded wife.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops Marriage Wordplay

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Definitions Wordplay

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

(1906 – 1965) psychologist & speech pathologist
Communication Language

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Language

Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they aren’t; I don’t know if it’s the way you say it, or how you look.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Entertainment Misspokements Television