Subject: Communication (Page 62)

To see him fumbling with our rich and delicate English is like seeing a Sevres vase in the hands of a chimpanzee.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Communication Insults Language

Coffee: Break fluid.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two.

Communication Wordplay

He is a man of his most recent word.

(1925 – 2008) American conservative author, commentator & television host
Beliefs Communication Opinion

I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Communication

Consolation: The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

A million monkeys were given a million typewriters… it’s called the Internet.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Communication Things

Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Marriage

I would worship the ground you walk on, Audrey, if you only lived in a better neighborhood.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Characteristics Speech

Men are like textbooks: you have to spend a lot of time between the covers to gain a small amount of satisfaction.

Books Education Men People Reading/Writing

Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Communication Reading/Writing

How long is it polite to pretend to continue to listen to someone after they’ve revealed they’ve got a boyfriend?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Communication

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Communication Language Truth

I am his awfully-wedded wife.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops Marriage Wordplay

What’s another word for Thesaurus?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Never say “Oops” always say “Ah, interesting!”

Communication Mistakes Problems Speech

I felt like a man trapped in a woman's body… then I was born.

American stand up comedian & juggler
Communication Wordplay

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Communication Language

Ever notice that George Bush doesn't speak when Dick Cheney is drinking water?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Communication People

I wish my first spoken word was 'Quote' so I could make my last word 'Unquote'.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech