Subject: Communication (Page 83)

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

(1922 – 2014) American comic actor & writer
Communication Speech

I’m not worried about the Third World War… that’s the Third World’s problem.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Conflict War Wordplay

An encyclopedia is a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Books Communication

She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Communication Reading/Writing

When your head is in the bear's mouth, it is not the time to be smacking him on the nose.

Communication Problems

A beginning, a muddle, and an end.

(1922 – 1985) English poet & novelist
Communication Reading/Writing

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

(1887 – 1948) American journalist & humorist
Age Communication Old

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Alcohol Communication People

If the doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I’d type a little faster.

(1920 – 1992) American science and science fiction author & professor
Communication Reading/Writing

Exaggeration: Formal term for a collection of fishermen (i.e. an exaggeration of anglers).

Activities Definitions Language

Abstainer: A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Books Communication Reading/Writing

When Mr. Wilbur calls his play ‘Halfway to Hell,’ he underestimates the distance.

(1894 – 1984) theatre critic
Communication Reviews/Criticism

Why do they call that funny little statue a bust when it stops right before the part of the body that it’s named after?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Art Communication Wordplay

The loss of life will be irreplaceable.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Misspokements Speech

Nothing risqué, nothing gained.

(1887 – 1943) theater critic & commentator
Characteristics Language Sex

All books over five hundred pages that weren’t written by Dickens or a dead Russian are better left on the shelf.

journalist & author
Books Reviews/Criticism

Editor: The fellow who makes a long story short.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

My neighbors don’t like it when I talk to my plants… I use a megaphone.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech

If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be living.

comedian
Communication Death Health Language

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather