Subject: Definitions (Page 10)

View All Definitions

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,614 times a day.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

Definitions

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

Definitions People Wordplay

Bore: One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

Definitions Self

Amnesia: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

Definitions

Professional model: cheekbones that sell cosmetics; hipbones that sell anorexia.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Appearance Body Definitions

Below: Sing Bass.

Definitions

Hula Dancer: A shake in the grass.

Definitions

Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Communication Definitions

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Death Definitions

Sinker: Lead weight attached to the end of a length of fishing line to facilitate the speedy disposal of unwanted lures.

Activities Definitions Things

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

Woman: A person who needs a shoe larger on the inside than outside.

Definitions People

Government Deficit: The difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

Definitions Government

Lawyer: Men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.

Definitions Lawyers

Judge: A man in a trying position.

Definitions Wordplay

Archive: Where the two bees stayed after Noah brought them aboard.

Definitions

Hypochondriac: One who can’t leave well-enough alone.

Definitions Health

Homosexual: A man’s man.

Definitions Men

Patriotism: The willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.

Death Definitions

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes