Subject: Definitions (Page 8)

View All Definitions

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

Christian: A man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Neighbor: One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions People

Sterilize: What you do to your baby’s first pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it on your shirt.

Definitions Family

Automobile: A payment plan on wheels.

Autos Definitions Things

Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting.

Definitions Work

Adage: To become older.

Definitions

Advertising: The rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist
Definitions

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions

University: A modern school where football is taught.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Football Language School

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Baby: An inhabitant of Lapland.

Children Definitions Family

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

Definitions Occupations Work

Optimist: An anti-skeptic.

Definitions

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?

(1965 – ) English comedian, musician, actor & author
Definitions History Time

Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse.

Definitions People

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School

Diplomat: Someone who can lose all the points and still win the game.

Definitions

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

Definitions Food/Drink