Subject: Definitions (Page 14)

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Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can’t believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I’m still hungry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Quality Control: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.

Definitions

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

Dachshund: An animal half a dog high by a dog and a half long.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Definitions Dogs

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Clothing Definitions Places

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Second Place: The first loser.

Definitions

Man: An animal [whose]… chief occupation is the extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions People Women

Presidency: The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Politics

Work: An unpopular way to earn money.

Definitions Work

Antibody: Against everyone.

Definitions Wordplay

Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.

Body Definitions Men

Aground: When a boat makes the discovery that all water has land under it.

Definitions

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Leftovers: Repast history.

Definitions Food/Drink

Imagination: What puts men in asylums unless they are crazy enough to put it down on paper or canvas.

Definitions

Senility: A cleansing of the mental blackboard shortly before class is dismissed.

Age Definitions Old

Antique: Something too old to be anything but too expensive.

Definitions Things

Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom.

Clothing Definitions

Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Future Time

Wife: A former sweetheart.

Definitions Marriage