Subject: Definitions (Page 15)

View All Definitions

Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.

Definitions Marriage Time

X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Definitions Men People

Accident: Any negligent or malicious behavior performed by someone with a clever lawyer.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Definitions Problems

Man: An animal [whose]… chief occupation is the extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions People Women

Senior Executive: Anyone with an office on the carpeted corridor.

Definitions

Archive: Where the two bees stayed after Noah brought them aboard.

Definitions

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men People

Luck: The thing that draws us for jury duty, but never for the lottery.

Definitions

Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.

Definitions

Kleenex: Your daily nose-paper.

Definitions

Agent: Someone who believes an actor takes 85 percent of his money.

Acting Definitions Entertainment

Boss: A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Selfishness: Annoying quality of someone who has what I want, but is not prepared to give it to me.

Definitions

Carpet: A floor covering that is bought by the yard and worn by the foot.

Definitions

Woman: An animal… having rudimentary susceptibility to domestication… The species is the most widely distributed of all beast of prey… The woman is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Men People

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Characteristics Definitions

Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Diet Planner: A fast talker.

Definitions

Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Cats Communication Definitions Language

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions