Subject: Definitions (Page 17)

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Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

Un-American: Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Characteristics Definitions Places

Death: A breath-taking experience.

Death Definitions

Communism: The cause that suppresses.

Definitions

Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.

Definitions People

Anesthetic: The painkiller that crazy women refuse during labor.

Definitions

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.

Definitions

Creditor: A man who has a better memory than a debtor.

Definitions

Love: The triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Definitions Emotions Love

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Definitions Marriage

Craze: The other guy’s hobby.

Definitions

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Definitions

Hooker: A working woman commonly despised by people who sell themselves for even less.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Mason-Dixon Line: A geographical division between “you all” and “youse guys.”

Definitions Places

Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning.

Communication Definitions Language

Diet: Something to take the starch out of you.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Hunch: What you call an idea that you’re afraid is wrong.

Definitions