Subject: Definitions (Page 26)

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Prejudice: A great time-saver that enables one to form opinions without bothering to get the facts.

Definitions

Intuition: Suspicion in skirts.

Definitions

Newlywed: A man who puts up the storm windows the first time his wife suggests it.

Definitions Marriage

Anonymous: The worlds most popular author.

Definitions

Know-it-all: One who pretends to know something about everything but really knows nothing about anything.

Definitions

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

Piano: A parlor utensil for subduing the impertinent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Philanthropist: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Wealth

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Definitions Government Politicians

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

Alibi: Slip cover.

Definitions

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

Argument: An exchange of ignorance.

Definitions

Life: A continuous series of disasters which result in one’s death.

Death Definitions Life

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

The Cocktail Party: A device for paying off obligations to people you don’t want to invite to dinner.

(1916 – 1986) American minister & author
Activities Definitions People

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning; old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Definitions Old

X-chromosome: A genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Women

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion